So many couples start off very much in love and end up barely tolerating each other or separated or divorced. Why?

The traditional answers, based on externals, are not really the proximate cause, although money, health, time limitations, family obligations, and the workplace are certainly important.

The answer is a trio of internal factors that, left to fester, take its toll. The first factor is the attitude of taking for granted. The second is the subconscious formation of negative anchors. The third is “Genderistics”.

Taking for granted is the opposite of what existed at the outset. Gone are the romance and excitement. Present is lack of effort to deepen the bonding. One or both has not learned the love strategy of the other or has not used it. Effective communication and demonstrations of love depend on personal factors that the other feels is important and necessary.

Negative anchors are formed when a strong negative emotion or state is consistently present in a particular setting. The two get mentally linked. If one spouse is part of the setting, the trigger can subcosciously be attached to the spouse. Although negative anchors are difficult to avoid, there are things that can be done to change them or relink them to positive anchors and thus eliminate what could be a repetitive strain on the marriage.

“Genderistics” deals with the differences between the partners, which are not necessarily related to generalized characteristics that each sex is supposed to exhibit. Differences in responses and ways of thinking and acting do not magically change by virtue of the marriage vows. They must be unearthed and then taken into account.

The Baratt Core Lore System, in this segment, explains these three barriers, then shows you how to deal with them.

Click on any link at the left for an overview of that particular part of the system.

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Copyright (c) 2001 by Norman J. Baratt.
All rights reserved.